A Lesson on Love after Six Years of Marriage

When Andy and I dated, I spent a lot of time praying about marriage. Was he the right person? Was I supposed to marry him? Was it God’s will? I felt so light and happy; was it real?

One day after praying, I read this verse in the Book of Mormon, “O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good.” (Alma 32:35)

It was a direct answer to my prayers. It was real and it was good.

We got married. Continue reading “A Lesson on Love after Six Years of Marriage”

Spiritual Lessons from Unemployment

It has been three weeks since I quit my job at Reset; it turns out there is a period of adjustment as one becomes accustomed to new wings and flight. Taking a flying leap off a cliff is a paradox of exhilaration, terror, romance, boredom, excitement and occasionally piddling around the house in my pajamas. I am learning a ton.

Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence

I wish to encourage every one of you today regarding opposition that so often comes after enlightened decisions have been made, after moments of revelation and conviction have given us a peace and an assurance we thought we would never lose… Beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts…Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness…Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.
-Elder Jeffery R. Holland

As I studied my scriptures last week, I was prompted to re-read Elder Holland’s speech, “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence”.  It is my new anthem for this period of time. Moments of great illumination are often proceeded by great opposition; great opposition also follows moments of clarity and personal revelation. I can’t give up and I can’t doubt the path. 

Patience

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. – Hebrews 10:35-36

Basically, I suck at patience. On my mission, companionships focused on developing a Christ-like attribute each week. I hated the weeks we chose patience, faith and optimism. Those were the weeks that everyone fell out of the bap pool, all our investigators and lessons disappeared, people were rude on the street, or I ended up in the hospital. The Lord doesn’t mess around when we ask to become more Christ-like; He tests us to teach us. Since quitting my job, I have been inspired to study this personally elusive quality and am learning about patience in beautiful new ways.

I usually don’t know how to function unless I’m going ten thousand miles an hour doing fourteen different things at once. I don’t know how to relax. I’ve always had many things to throw myself into 5000%: a cause, a job, a passion, people. As I learn how to align these passions with my family and shifting priorities, the Lord wants me to slow down and take my time. It is hard. But, I’m learning to differentiate between inspiration and impulse, revelation and misdirection. I’m learning that I can still throw myself headfirst into many things; they are simply rearranged differently. Patience is not just for getting through hard things, it is also in waiting faithfully for the good ones. It is pushing forward in the Lord’s time even if I don’t yet know what I’m pushing toward.

Floating Forward

The Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind. And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.
–Ether 6:5-6

I often think of these scriptures when I am enduring my own personal tempests. They remind me that storms carry me toward my own promised lands. The last few months were a violent tempest that blew me across an ocean. I may be a little beat up, but I survived and I’m stronger. Now, I’m floating on the water, the sun is shining and the breeze is pleasantly cool. I have a tropical drink in one hand and I’m soaking up the warm rays.

At first, I was slowly going a little bit crazy.

I felt like I wasn’t progressing because I wasn’t rushing around trying to survive a storm or work overload. But, I’m learning that there are many ways to press ahead on the Lord’s path. We don’t only grow and progress in tempests; ships can still move forward when the weather is nice. I can learn and grow, receive guidance, and head toward my promised land in peaceful, happy times too.

Whaaa?

There is still work to do; it is just different than the work I’ve done before. The gentle wind and lapping waves are still carrying me in the right direction. I need to put in work and trust in God.

And be grateful for calm seas and a warm sun.

Teach at Home

We might all ask ourselves: do our children receive our best spiritual, intellectual, and creative efforts, or do they receive our leftover time and talents, after we have given our all to our church calling or professional pursuits? – Elder Tad R. Callister

This quote hit me hard one morning as I listened to Elder Callister’s talk in my car. I was coming home from work exhausted and drained. I spent weekends recovering from the week. Carter was getting my leftovers.

I’ve realized, it’s time to turn back home. Carter needs me. He is my son and my most treasured student. I will have no greater impact anywhere in the world than here, with him, in our home. It’s time to teach.


There have already been so many miracles in the last few weeks. Opportunities, connections, experiences, tender mercies and miracles popping up all over the place. I’ve been amazed. I know in a year or two, I will be able to look back to this time and say, OH. This and this and this are why life unfolded so surprisingly. I will be able say specifically, this door opened, this was made possible, I was prepared to, our family was prepared for… and I am so grateful. The Lord knows what He’s doing and His plan is infinitely more perfect than mine.

Plus, now I’m not missing as many of these parenting gems!IMG_4091

Leaping Over the Edge

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Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It’s too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and he pushed,
And they flew.
-Christopher Logue

I quit my job this week. I’ve been planning to resign for over three months now, but had not felt inspired to do it until this past Monday. It’s been a journey, to say the least. But after fasting and praying this past weekend, I went to work on Monday and the answer was made clear. After my morning meeting, I felt prompted to read my scriptures where I had left off, so I found a private place to study. The Lord confirmed my morning prompting in Ether 12:7. I felt Him telling me, “wherefore, the Lord brought a remnant of the seed of [Joanna] out of the land of [Reset], that he might be merciful unto the seed of [Joanna] that they should perish not.”

I’m leading you out. Don’t be afraid to follow me.

So I drafted my resignation letter and quit my job. There are a lot of logical reasons I should be worried and sad, but instead I feel free. A burden is lifted. I feel hope. I feel whole. I feel my world opening up and opportunity ahead of me. I feel joy.

This leap over the edge is one that seems to go against reason, but it’s because we don’t see as He sees and don’t know what He knows. Am I crazy to quit a job before I have another one lined up? Everything wants to scream a big fat YES, YOU STUPID COW! But, revelation tells me, do it now, follow me, trust in me. This is right.

And maybe just saying that seems crazy to some. But, I know revelation is real like I know that I breathe. I know I have a Father in heaven who loves me, hears my prayers and is guiding my life. He has led me step by step on this most recent journey. He is holding my hand and shining a light just ahead of each footstep to show me the way. I am walking a journey of prayer, uncertainty, and seeking punctuated by moments of absolute clarity in which I understand the Lord’s will and make a choice I know is right. The peaceful confirmation that follows is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world.

Tomorrow is my last day at what I thought would be my dream job. Now, I am running full speed and trampolining over the edge. I can feel the wind below me, lifting me. There is tremendous learning behind me and a horizon of opportunity and growth ahead. I feel like laughing. The Lord will give me wings to fly.

I’m ready.